lol, no my day was not eventful, well not in the exciting way. My days are always eventful.

Today I worked at bit for HIT on a new project. If you know anything about Zen Cart and one of their Wish List mods I'd love to chat with ya. I have a question that I can't find an answer for as of yet. At least not one that doesn't involved sending the user to an error message page which gives me what I want as well. Go figure right.

I'm only taking one project at a time until I grasp their system. One down. One more to go. I'm also not going too over board until my project manager (or rather who I think is my PM) will be back into the office.

But I went to the doctor about this cough I've been having. I talked with my Mom and she said she thought I had it while I was up there as well. I know I've had it since after we got home. Post nasal drip causing the cough. The doc put me on Z-pac and a pill to help stop the drip.

Ya know what? I didn't feel this bad before taking the med. My chest is slightly tight and I'm about to fall asleep. Yes I was tired before, but now, I am exhausted and having a hard time keeping my eyes open. Lovely!

I've changed the way some things work on my journal so I'm just testing to make sure things work.

Well today Dance Dance Revolution: Disney Grooves came in. I picked it up and I played for a bit with the girls. My knees hurt lol.

I really enjoyed it, not sure the girls do, but they don't quite understand so it's not surprising but they did try and they liked dancing with the characters so that was good.

I hope to play it everyday, I'll be on beginner until my knees don't hurt afterwards and then I'll move up from there. But it got me moving I started to sweat and while it may not be the best exercise in the world it did get me off my butt for an hour or so. That's always good.

I hope to get up early in the morning to take a better look at the game, it's really difficult with the girls here to look at the game fully.

Now I have to go clean up the girls. They got into the only bottle of nail polish I own that I use to wear lol and now it's empty and they are covered in nail polish. Oh well time to pray I have nail polish remover.

It's been a tough week, but it's turning out good. The first of the week saw lots of rain and Shea got rained out so we are out a day and a half of pay. This sucks but there is nothing we can do about it, Shea tried to stay but after a certain point he had no choice in the matter, he had to leave.

Late last night, like 8pm I checked my secondary work email and I found I had been accepted to work with Heritage again. While I'm not sure which application they were accepting, I'm assuming it's the one I sent in yesterday versus the one I sent in more than three weeks ago. But it really doesn't matter I got the freelancing work. My goal is to do at least one project a week if not more. I hope more but we'll see.

My biggest concern now is they aren't taking taxes out and I want to pay taxes on it when I can otherwise the money will get spent. So I need to figure out how I can do this and make sure the government gets their money and I get credit for paying these taxes. Last time I did this I didn't have to worry about it cause I was only working for part of the year - 3 months in 07 and 3 months in 08 before I had to turn off cable. It's 5 months this year and I hope to continue working with them until I either have a full time job or my own clients take off with reliable projects and pay. Since I'm not pushing locally yet as I don't have the time I don't expect that to happen until after both girls are in school. So another 2-3 years before my own business will be viable fully.

Anyway I can feel a bit better about our situation, while it's not alot of money it's more money that we had coming in. It's really sad that everything always comes down to money. Sometimes I wish I'd been born in a simpler times, but then I'd never have met my husband, my mom and dad probably would never have met. That's the thing with meeting outside of your home town. My parents met in Denver, but my Mom was born in New York. Simpler times means she'd probably never have gone to Denver and thus I'd never have been born. But still the sentiment still exists. I can't say that I could stand living that type of life now, after having lived a technologically filled one. If things were to go to pot today and technology stopped working I would find it very difficult to live with out my family. I miss them dearly now but I get to talk to my parents every week and they get to see their grandkids over the web cam. It's nice, with out it we'd not have a whole lot of contact and I would be lost. So while I wish for simpler times, I really don't want it either.

Birthdays aren't that glorious for Shea and I. Yesterday I made Shea a desktop wallpaper of our family with recent pictures of him holding Gabriel and of the girls and my parents and his. It's nice he liked it. And I made him peanut butter cookies - his favorite.

I won't do anything for mine but we'll see what Shea does. I did however by Disney Grooves Dance Dance Revolution with the money I got for my birthday. We have our Wii and we hardly use it. Mostly because I can't sit with the girls in here and play it with out them messing the controllers up and the like. But this, I think we can mange to deal well with. My mom made some princess mats for them like the Wii controller for DDR, so that'll give them a mat they can play with with me. I also have a candy dispenser for each of them that looks like the Wii remote, so we are good to go there too. Hopefully the girls will enjoy it as much as I do. And maybe we'll even let them play for real lol. But I don't think they'd understand the idea just yet other than jumping around on the mat. But here's to hoping. It should be fun and I should get exercise while playing while entertaining the girls. It will arrive around the 31st, they didn't have any in stock at Walmart so site to store it is.

While we were on vacation we had a problem, a problem we didn't know about. The guest bedroom's bathroom, where Kathleen likes to go potty or use to rather, was used before we left. I thought I had checked it before we left, but I was wrong, it ran from July 1 to July 20ish when we got home. It resulted in a 400 dollar water bill for a time where we should have no water consumption at all.

We bought the parts to fix the toilet and have had the bill adjusted to 200 dollars. While not what we usually do it's better than 400. I can deal with 200 in a month versus 400, that is not a possibility. I thank the technician for telling us that we could adjust the bill because the lady in accounting sure didn't tell me. But today when I went in to take care of they told me I could call and have the bill adjusted for next month's bill as it was running for about 2 weeks during that time. So that'll hopefully take care of any discrepancies there.

Shea was surprised that it wasted that much water. The tech said that he'd seen it happen where it had someone an 800 dollar bill. I can't imagine that. I'm thankful we didn't have that kinda bill.

I try not to worry, particularly about things I can't do anything about. But if I don't think about it I can't try to fix it.

What do you do when you are stressed out?

I need to find a way to stop worrying about things. I can only do so much and right now I'm doing that, so why do I wake up every morning sick to my stomach. I try not to worry about it but ya know how that goes.

I need a way to relax, to destress, to remove the ick from my stomach. Something to ease my the ick of stress. I'm doing all that I can physically to deal with the problem, it's mental help I need I guess.

Something, Something Something...

It sucks two nights ago the AC ran all night set at 72 and it never got cool. So yesterday we turned it off to let it thaw out and cleaned the filters and when we turned it on about 5ish it didn't cool. I'd been okay up to that point, but the girls were getting cranky and I was too. I took a cold shower and I never take cold showers. Kathleen joined me and Samantha played a little bit but didn't get too wet, but more than I had expected.

At 7ish, we drove up to Hurley to the inlaws to get three window units. We'd used these after Katrina and had just a few months back taken them up to there for storage. Shea's dad met us about 3/4s of the way up with them and we drove home, installed the units. We have two in our room and one in Samantha's (which will end up being both of the girls room again here soon.)

At first the one in Sam's room wasn't cooling it wasn't set right but at that time I had already started blowing up the air matress and the girls were set to sleep on it. So we let them stay in here with us. I'm not sure if they will sleep in Sam's room alone, Kathleen isn't big on the door being shut and it'll have to be so we don't kill the electric bill.

So today the big AC is off, and we'll be spending all day in our room. Thankfully the room is nice and big and we can all be comfortable. I've got most of my stuff to work on for one of my clients set up on my laptop. It'll be a bit difficult to do but it beats sitting at my desk in the heat.

I'll be calling the AC guy today to get a price estimate on 2-3 pounds of freon and we hope that'll get us through the rest of the summer. Hopefully by the end of the week we'll have our AC back and things will get back to normal. But if I can stay cool but stay in one room most of the time I can manage it, we've done worse and I can move the PCs into the bedroom. We've plenty of room. We already have our queen bed, one small desk, a dresser drawer system with the TV on it, two smaller dressers with the girls clothes in it, and the queen blow up matress and still enough room to walk and pile clothes etc up in the corner lol. One more desk won't take up any more room, we'll just have to rearrange some of the "piles" to get it in here, but that won't be an issue if we have to do it.

We will probably have to replace the AC in whole next summer so we pray that we'll be able to save money to do so. Wish us luck cause we don't currently have that kind of money to save up.

On a side note, it was much cooler outside last night than it was in the house, so we spent a hour or so cleaning up the back porch and if it is not to hot out today I'll take the girls out on the porch to do some swimming. Unfortunately there will be no swinging or anything out in the grass. It's not been dry enough to mow so the lawn is too high and the moment you step out into the grass you get eaten alive by whatever little bugs like to live in tall grass. But the pool will be more than enough for Kathleen and if it's too warm Samantha as well.

While we were cleaning, one of the share was sporting a very dangerous friend. We were cleaning it off with the hose to get all the dirt and cob webs off, and as Shea set it down there was a huge spider on it. As we were in the process of getting it off to squish it we both noticed that it was a black widow. I was more concerned at that time to kill it before it got near the kids to realize that I'd just moved the chair and was paranoid the rest of the evening while cleaning and moving things around. I do not like spiders and I most definitely am afraid of black widows, I'm just glad it's dead and hopefully didn't lay any eggs. What's funny is that Rae and I were discussing spiders and I had mentioned that I was pretty sure I could identify one (black widow), and yep I sure enough did. I am very thankful that I was tired enough last night that I didn't have nightmares about them.

I've been trying to master gumbo for a while now. And now that I'm focusing on rice for my girls as that seems to be a key ingredient most days to get them to eat, it's a good staple to have, as it's easy to make if time consuming.

I made a modified version of Shea's grandmother's and a recipe I found online. The biggest drawback to Shea's mawmaw's recipe is it is intended to make 4 gallons, scaling it down doesn't work real well considering that there is no water quantity. Ours ended up too thick.

So today I used the following recipe.

Chicken and Turkey Sausage Gumbo
Tags: Southern, chicken, turkey, rice

Turkey Sausage
1 lb ground turkey
Mince garlic
Sugar
Oregano
Crushed fennel seed
Pepper
Salt

Season to taste and mix well.

Gumbo
4T butter
4T flour
6c water (was too thin 5c next time)
Celery salt
Pepper
Dash caynne pepper
Dried roasted bell peppers & garlic
Garlic powder
Onion powder
Salt
Bay leaf
1 lb turkey sausage
1 large chicken breast, cubed
2T tomato paste

Brown turkey sausage (needs to be drained really well). Put butter and flour in large pot and brown (medium to dark brown roux). Add seasonings to taste, Add meat, water, tomato paste and bring to a rapid boil. Boil for 5 mins, then simmer for 2 hours.

Serve with rice.

The parts in italics are the changes for next go around. Seasoning wise I think we did good. So next version will be a bit thinner and less oily. So here's to hoping it goes just as good next time.

It makes about 6 servings with 6 cups and lots of rice.

Yesterday was not a good day for the family, mostly the girls, but not a good day in general considering what we all did. Kathleen decided it was a good idea to drink Children's Tylenol. We'd been giving it to the girls about once a day for the past couple of nights because they'd been feeling overly warm and it was cold related so I wasn't extremely careful about putting it up up. I put it as far back on the bathroom counter in my room behind a whole bunch of other things. And Kathleen used the garbage can to climb up there and get it. At 11am I found them with the empty bottle.

With an hour of hemming and hawing about whether or not to take them to the ER I called the Posion Control Center. They needed to know Kathleen's weight, and we have no working scales. I estimated it for them and since I am not sure what it was and how much was actually in the bottle I decided to take them both to the ER. At 12pm I called Shea and told him and he met me in the ER.

We heard lots of stories about kids doing something similar. Shea ate a whole bottle of chewable vitamins, his youngest brother ate a whole bottle of children's asprin. The doctor who treated the girls, son opened at foil container of the unopened cough syrup bottle. And one of the nurses daughter ate a box of Ex-lax.

After 5 or so hours in the ER the girls were cleared to go home. They were forced to drink charcoal which was an ordeal unto itself. They took blood twice from them and they both did very well in terms of that.

Kathleen did share with her sister, but Kathleen had most of it. Their discharge papers clearly indicated who had the brunt of the overdose. Samantha's said non-toxic, Kathleen's didn't say it so it was likely to have been toxic. But the doctor wasn't overly worried about it and as long as their second blood test didn't show dramatic increase in acetaminaphen in their blood stream they could go home. So now we wait and watch to make sure Kathleen is okay.

Today's goal is to make sure all the medicine in the house is put up and way out of reach. Along with cleaning the house up more. While I'm still going to worry for a while I'm pretty sure things will be okay, it's just a matter of telling my Mommy brain that lol.

2 years and four months old and Samantha has finally grasped the knowledge of how to open a door. She's been banging them, jiggling them for what seems like forever, at lest since she could reach them.

Yesterday I shut the door to the bathroom and Samantha soon followed me in. Later that night we put her to bed and she walked out of her room.

So now we must insure that all the deadbolts and latches are locked on the outside doors or we'll have the same problem we did with Kathleen - minus letting the dog out the front door.

So onto new challenges for the little one... potty training - maybe? We are going to try that again this week.

Since Shea and I have been together we have never owned a kitchen/dinning room table, ever. That's 9 years of eating wherever. With Diamond gone, we now have a dilemma. The girls have become overly use to the dog cleaning up after them. Which I didn't mind so much until Diamond stopped eating the cheerios that kept making it to the floor. I don't blame her for not eating them as I'm sure it got real old real fast. But now with out our living vaccuum, we have a problem. The girls still throw their food on the floor.

So since getting another dog is pretty much out of the question at this moment, we bought a kitchen table. We've been using it as much as we possibly can and the girls are adapting well to it. I think the stint at my parents house with a family dinner helped out with that. Kathleen is pretty much a jabber jaw at the table, but it's really nice to be a family even is Sammi isn't quite so ready to sit down and eat with us. But she's going through a phase anyway with her eating habits.

The table is in the middle of our living room right near the front door, it's the only place we can really put it. It's going to make cleaning a hassle since I use to push all the toys and stuff into that area, but hopefully that once I get things manageable after having been sick a week things will be better in both my kitchen and in my living room. Less food on the floor = less mess to clean up. And the more likely I won't have to hunt anything more than sippie cups that have migrated around the house.

We are back from our vacation. It was alot of fun to be home for a while. It was great to not have to worry about anything as well. I'll start at the beginning.

We left at 8pm July 1 after Shea took half a day and slept what he could until about 6 or 7pm. The girls were thrilled with the DVD player and I don't really remember what they watched to start with, my best guess is Phineas and Ferb or Cars. We drove through the night and got to Roanoke, VA at around noon, where we were able to check in. We crashed and rested until about 6pm when we started to settle in for bed.

Samantha had a horrible night, she wouldn't go to sleep so it in turn kept us all awake until about 10pm when the sun was finally down. Kathleen ended up sleeping on the floor, which is pretty typical of my eldest daughter. We got up an moving and were on our way north around 6am. We reached my parents empty house about 6pm after stopping at Pizza Hut to eat.

I took the girls over to Grams house to tell her we were here after I unlocked the front door with my house key. She was suppose to let us in but I got in with my key. Shea started putting everything in the house. We went over to Uncle Albs & Aunt Barb house so they could introduce us to Ebony and Mica - my parents dogs. They came over about half hour after we arrived. Ebony took to everyone real well and Mica was overly shy. But the next morning after we woke up the dogs were more than happy we were there with them, even Mica was all waggles now.

We spent the fourth of July down to my Aunt Sylv's house. It was too cold for the girls (and me) to go swimming but I think everyone had a good time. My parents came down there when they got home and the girls ran and practically jumped into their arms. Everyone was really excited to see each other!

The following day was Sunday, which me and the girls (and Mom) spent the day at Grams house playing May I. Or that was the plan, but we instead moved the card game to my parents house so that the girls would be more comfortable. That evening we went to Walmart. Why you ask? Well we realized after coming up from the heat that it was a bit too cold in the morning. I had only brought the girls one pair of socks each and Shea didn't pack any pants, so we went and picked up those few things and a few additional groceries we needed for the next few days. Mom and Aunt Sylv helped plan the following weekends menu plan as Gram was having lots of company up. I cooked two of those days for the whole family and cooked dinner for the immediate family the rest of the time except those days we ate at Grams house during part of our vacation.

On Wednesday my Brother and his girlfriend Stacey showed up after having been to Michigan where Stacey's family lives. We hung out talked and got to meet Maggie, their dog.

At this point things started getting blurred. We ate dinner on, my dad made omelets for breakfast. We ventured down to Aunt Sylv's house for an hour or so for the girls to go swimming. While the water was FREEZING the girls both had a blast.

Kathleen started out in her life vest but it kept filipping her on her back (it's suppose to do that) we put her in a tube and she went all over the pool. It took Samantha a bit but she did eventually get in as long as I held on to her at all times.

The next day Mig made breakfast with love. He shredded his potatoes by hand using a knife to cut each piece up. To accompany his hash browns he made french toast and sausage. We went down to Jenn's house to see the chickens and goats (and jump on the trampoline). The girls enjoyed both parts. Kathleen got a goat to eat from her hand and petted a chicken. Samantha liked the dirt in the goat pen, thankfully the goats don't relieve themselves in that particular area. Mom's camera crapped out there so we don't have a lot of pics as Mom would have liked.

I'm probably confusing days so chronology may be off but the events are still sound lol.

Thrusday night we waited for Aunt Eileen and Uncle Al to show up and we all went over for a little visit then came back to relax.

Friday night was "Family Night". Now you ask what this might mean if you don't know the Talbot Family. Basically it's when all of Grams children, and their children and their children get together at Gram's dinky little trailer. This is generally only seen at holidays like Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter. But when Aunt Eileen or Uncle Jim come down (or any of the other out of state family come in to stay) they all get together. Usually it's 40+ people, but be cause so many people showed up it was more like 50+ people. Gram ordered 10 pizza's and there was only about 1 pie left over in total. I'm not sure what-else made it with dinner, tossed salad perhaps but pizza was the main dish. All in all it was good to see everyone. I got to meet some "family" I have only heard about and not really met, and Shea got to meet more too I think.

Saturday we went to Cooperstown to play Minature Golf. Dad won. (He was score keeper - and he's a golfer.) Kathleen had fun hitting the ball. Samantha not so much, she really didn't enjoy herself much except for playing in the dirt/rocks. That night I made spaghetti and meatballs.

Sunday night Suzie and Andy (and the boys) showed up but we didn't stay long, Samantha was already home after having had a bad time while we were playing cards with Aunt Eileen - Mig played too. Mom and Aunt Sylv were trying to take pictures of each other's cards to "cheat". We all had a good time.

Mig and Stacey left Monday morning and Mom and Kathleen helped the Talbot clan put in hay. Kathleen had fun despite falling into Aunt Barb's fish pond right after I got done telling her don't lean over like that or you'll fall in. Like my words prompted it in she fell. Thankfully she didn't go under as she landed on Aunt' Barb's lilly pad pots. She was upset, but she later told Grandpa she went swimming with the fish.

Not much really happened eventful after that. We spent a good majority of the Wednesday the 15th outside with the girls. I got a slight sunburn on my thighs and Kathleen has a great tan. We left my parents house around 8pm (after waiting for a call back from Shea's parents to tell us what was going on with Diamond.)

We drove all night long and reached Virginia Beach, Va around 7am. We ate breakfast at Denny's then everyone but me slept in the van while we waited for 11am check in when we were able to get into our room. We waited around for Shea and Sydney (and Gabriel) to show up.

Shea got dropped off at the hotel and while we waited for Sydney and the baby to show up we went swimming. The girls pretty much played on the steps and Kathleen tried to go under water which scares me to death now. I am avoiding baths with her for the time being hoping the desire to swim under water fades just a little. Samantha got into the water of her own accord, she even got in up to her neck of her own violation.

Sydney showed up with our grandson and we all chatted and took pictures and had a decent time. They left around 8pm which was good the girls were getting sleepy and they had to be up early. Shea is going to Iraq at the end of the month so he had lots of things to do these last few weeks.

We drove to Atlanta, GA and stopped there for the night. While there we picked up a nice flat rock from the motel hillside to use as Diamond's head stone. (Side note: I've purchased Georgia Clay red for the base of the rock color to pain). We left around 7am and got home about 1pm give or take.

All in all it was a very good trip. I miss home, and I miss my family but I am glad to be here with my things in what we call home. We are not back to the grind stone and things are back to usual minus one family member. I do miss her so much.

I will have pictures soon, I'm missing a few yet so I don't want to post any. You can check out other family members pics if you can't wait that long.

This is a little bit of a lot of things, mostly about our vacation but not all of it.

I'll bore you with the not vacation stuff first since it's on my mind and I'll make a vacation post in a bit. With out the money sitting in the bank that we'd saved for our vacation I now have the OMG we have no fall back money situation. The problem we are falling behind in bills, everyone is sick and that means Shea can't go to work and that means no full pay check next week. I really need to do something here this is getting to me badly.

If I get a job, it has to pay enough to pay for gas, child care for two children (which will run us about $100/kid) and enough money left over to make the job worth while. So basically that leaves out jobs like full time clerical and the likes, cause I would have to bring home at least $306(net) per week just to cover those expenses - approximately: $7.64/hour.

I can freelance, but that isn't guaranteed. I have however applied at Heritage again, so we'll see if I get in this time. That is at least pretty reliable income but may not be enough to get us out of the whole. I am considering killing our cable again, it won't help us immediately but it can help us in the long run. But that limits what I can do to add money to the table, with out cable I am basically just a stay at home mom, and I can't do any freelancing. So it's a hard choice. We already have the basic TV package, killing just the TV would bring the bill down 50 dollars and change.

I really don't know what to do at this point. I'm in a holding pattern until Heritage gets back to me, but I really am not sure what to expect, they turned me down last time, this time I'm not expecting any good results. I'm hesitant to do php again there while they pay is large, the time between checks is always long because they are large projects.

Oh well, life goes on, we'll figure something out I'm sure. The bank is opening now I need to hit it before doing what grocery shopping I can do this week. I'll post vacation post when I get back.

Wish us luck!

Yesterday was not a good day for many reasons. The biggest reason being that Diamond passed away. She's been with Shea's folks while we are on vacation. Late last week his mom called and told us Diamond wasn't doing well. We chalked it up her moping around and missing us. She was fine the next day and then yesterday she was lethargic and they were in the process of taking her to the vet ER which was 2 hours away as it was after hours. At around 8pm EST his dad called and told us that she didn't make it.

So needless to say I've been having a very bad night - on top of leaving my parents house I have to deal with the death of my beloved pet. And so many things run through my mind that might have happened but we will really never know what happened.

We left my parents about 8pm last night and drove through the night and got to Virginia Beach at about 7am. So right now we are sitting in the parking lot of the motel we are staying in cause we can't check in for another 2 hours at least - possibly 3. It sucks. Thankfully the girls have the dvd player and the free wifi reaches out to the van so I can at least do something - even if it's depressing.

I cryied several times last night before I got a few winks of shut eye. I can't help it Diamond was such a part of our lives. Shea's parents are going to bury her in their yard somewhere I can easily get to so I can put a headstone or something. I know I will at least visit it. My biggest fear is that Diamond thought we'd abandoned her and thought we didn't love her anymore. I feel horrible about things for my inlaws. They had to deal with it all while we were away.

The only plus side is that the girls didn't see her go down hill. But what do you tell a 3 year old about the loss of her beloved pet? We are at a loss of words. I really don't know what to tell her when she asks where Diamond is. I'm so sorry we lost her like this and its killing me.

We probably won't be getting another pet for a while. Maybe we can get fish, maybe. But then again we probably won't do that either. We'll see. I have too much to think about now that new pets are far from my mind.

As a side note we had a great vacation, I'll post more about that later, right now got a few other things to do.

I have so much to do in 2.5 days that it's not even funny. The biggest and most important thing to get done before Tuesday is get together all the important paperwork and software to take to Shea's folks house just in case of a hurricane while we are gone. Everything but the $3000 software I use on a daily basis for my freelancing I can replace computers included. But insurance doesn't cover that cost and it is very vital to my business that I have these pieces of software.

We will also take up all our signed Wheel of Time books as they are not irreplaceable. Insurance papers, birth certificates, girls social security cards all have to go up there just in case the house is gone when we come back.

I also have to get my dog ready by Tuesday to go to Shea's folks house, but in order to do that I have to find a new hiding place for the new toys and things the girls have for the trip up. Not to mention a safe place to put the dvd player for the van for the trip - and all the baby things on top of the pen like diapers wipes and things. Diamond's pen doesn't move, it's a good place to put things that the girls and the dog can't get lol. So it's extra storage space and keeps our door from slamming into the wall of our bedroom.

I have gotten the office, and the hall cleaned, vacuumed and even used a deterizer on the carpet so we come home to less of a dog smelling house. I will finish our bedroom, then work on the living room and finally the kitchen. I am not touching the girls rooms, Kathleen's I should but I hate cleaning up all the toys on the floor, we'll see. Samantha's room doesn't really need cleaning per say just picking up the mess they've made in there.

And shea's home sick and sleeping so making noise isn't really a good thing right now. I have to go get his Rx so he hopefully can go to work tomorrow. And I'm not in the mood to do anything bad news can sure take the life out of anyone. Ah well back to the trenches I guess.

One hell of a day. My Dad just called me to tell my his mom has passed away - died of cancer. While not surprising its still very sad and very heart wrenching. We were close with Grandma B in Denver, we even lived with her for 6 months before moving to New York.

Her 80th birthday party was going to be July 18. She didn't get to see 80. I made her a memory book of our family, now she won't get to see it. She won't get to see my girls.

My parents are flying to Colorado soon, and will be back in time or just after we get to my parents house for vacation. It's a hell of a way to start vacation for my mom and dad. I feel so bad for my Dad. None of us have seen Grandma B since my brother's wedding. And I can't even say how long that has been.

Today is a very sad day.

I'm a worry wart to begin with. I worry about everything and I do mean everything. But since we've had the girls my worrying extends to them and more now. And I don't mean the typical worrying necessarily either. I worry they aren't developing like they should or worrying about them when they don't feel well.

We are going on vacation in a few days. And I can't count the number of times I've sat bold upright because my mind wandered to a hazardous what if while we are on vacation. Last night I saw my car go off the Chesapeake Bay Bridge, as I assume that is the bridge we will be going over when we go to Shea's son house on the way home. Talk about a waking moment that has your heart pounding. I then lay in bed running through scenarios of how I'd get the girls out of that type situation. It wasn't a good thought for sleeping but I did manage to put it of my head knowing fully well that it is a very slim chance we'd go over the bridge. I most definitely won't be driving them. I hate bridges and I do not like driving over short ones over any expanse of water. We have several around here that are high rise bridges over the rivers and such and I do very well not to panic while I drive over them.

That is a typical nightmare of mine. I've turned my back while my daughter and I were swimming in my aunt pool and she drowns. I have this particular nightmare in our own kiddy pool and the bathtub, I can't imagine how a 3 foot deep pool of water is going to make me feel. Though on the plus note my daughter is very good in the water and I think she could be swimming by now if we had enough water to teach her in. The baby on the other hand probably won't go in the water at all.

But the biggest fear I have about the trip is the girls getting lost while we are in a rest area. We will stop alot because of me and the girls to get them some exercise as it's a long trip. I have an elaborate plan to keep my girls safe. I have a leash for the girls. We already had one for when Kathleen was little and Samantha was still in the reverse car seat. But we've not used it since. These leashes are multipurpose and not so much meant as a leash but they are a backpack that has a leash for a tail (which comes off). I plan on putting a laminated card inside of the zipper of their backpacks with their name, our names, phone numbers and any relative information just in case they get lost. I plan to put it the backpack on each time we get out of the car. Shea can fuss at me all he wants but this is the only thing that is going to make me feel safe. I also made Shea take good close ups of the girls so I could take with us to show people if they happen to get away from us. This is my biggest fear about the trip. And I've done the only things I can think of that will keep me from having nightmares.

Now I know this is just paranoia and they will more than likely be fine. I will not let them out of my sight and I will not let them get hurt. However it only takes an instant and they are gone. So I make precautions and plans to help ease me through this difficult nightmare. We will have fun and the girls love the backpacks so it's not going to be a chore to get them to put it on. At least my mind will be at ease.

Heard the line on Food Nework's Next Star, and it applies here. I'm done. After DM8 I'm done with DM in any helping capacity except some minor things I'm working with now. Cairhein house lead and Warders Master at Arms, and I have a feeling that I will just have to leave completely in order to remove the temptation to help.

I tire of so much bull shit. I don't want to get into it cause all it's going to do is server to piss me off so close to my vacation and I don't want to do that. But I'm tired of it, just plain and simple tired of it.

I had an argument with my hubby over trip details for July. It upset me quite a bit, enough that I just wanted to be left alone and wanted to cry. And I tried. First shutting the bathroom door behind me but I has been in the middle of something before the argument so I got out and finished what I'd started.

But then I went into the dark kitchen to be alone, which as usual didn't work - the girls followed me into the kitchen. They proceeded to tell me it was okay, gave me hugs and kisses and tried to cheer me up with stickers on my nose. It's hard to stay mad when you are being doted on by your babies.

I love my girls and despite the number of times they upset me, they are the most wonderful thing in my life. I love my family and I love that we have the girls to make life even more enjoyable.

I wouldn't change it for the world, well except I'd like to have more money and a clean house lol, but I wouldn't change my life for anything.

Summer Time and my cooling bill is going to go WAY up. I feel it's going to be a hot one and I have been meaning to apply for budget billing for our power. A fixed payment instead of paying a fluxuating bill each month. It means I'll be paying more in the winter, but I just got off the phone with the power company and it's actually less than what I had expected and less than what I had actually calculated, it actually still fits in my electrical budget. Granted it means my water and gas no longer as the winter comfort zone, but it means I won't be going WAY out of budget in the summer. We already had a 200+ month and it's not even officially summer yet.

On a general note, today is the first official day of hurricane season. Lets pray that we don't get any hurricanes until August that come into the gulf, I really need my vacation home, even if I am not looking forward to the drive.

I've been attempting to diet for the past few weeks. I wanted to try to get on the wii for at least 30 mins a day on wii fit, but I've done that twice in the past few weeks. I swore of soda, but have had some in the past few days. Today's excuse was lack of sleep and I needed the caffeine. Which is hardly doing anything but it was keeping me awake last night.

I had ice-cream too. But that's easy to counter with just having good stuff for the rest of my meals.

But I'm so tired right now. I really need a nap but that probably won't happen any time soon. Sammi had a really bad night, woke up around 11:30 screaming and crying and stayed in that state no matter what I tried until 1am. Kathleen was awake most of that time too, but she was at least in her room watching tv. I only had to get on to her a little bit. We went to be around 9ish I could have slept till 11:30ish but the caffeine and the laptop reformat was on my mind. I hate going to bed with an unfinished project on my mind. But the laptop is now up to 100% and it's NOT slow. So I must have had a virus or something on it that was jacking all my processor speed. It seems to be fine now.

I can't say that I had an awesome Mother's Day or even an eventful one. But it was probably one of the best I've had these last few years, mostly because my big girl actually took part in the little event Daddy put together.

Daddy let me sleep in, but Kitkat woke up early enough that he took her aside and to the computer and they sat down and made me an e-card. But this wasn't the best part!

Kathleen came into our room and woke me up. "Mommy it's Happy Mother's Day! Come see the polar bear hug." Granted I had no idea what she wanted me to see and she tried to show me but Daddy had already sent it to me via email. So we sat down at my computer and we watched the little animated bear give big hugs. It was cute. Shea told me that he let Kitkat type her own name (he had to show her of course but she did the pressing of buttons.)

I got three e-cards. It was a good day. I was tickled that she woke me up the way she did. It did make my morning.

I have been hesitant over the past year or so to pick up learning a framework of any sorts, it kinda feels like cheating. But I picked up 960 grid system a while ago and I do like it, it takes some of the guess work out of designing. But I don't use it consistently. Then I picked up jQuery and fell absolutely in love with it. It makes life so much easier and I don't have to wrote bunches of javascript and make sure it's cross broswer computable for the most part.

So last week I got a big protion of a new project information and it looked like I was going to be a doing alot of coding. My biggest concern is paypal integration and security of the application. I started looking around. While there might still be issues I decided to pick up cakePHP. I've been using it for three days or so and in that time I've decided to rewrite my Grocery List Meal Plan Application again using it. I've worked on that particular app for two days. And most of that was trying to figure out how to do a few things that were giving me problems. I have added functionality and areas I hadn't incorporated into my initial design in a matter of hours instead of days. Talk about cutting down my development time. Grated it take two days to get the probelms of what I have done now resolved but that's because I'm still learning and it's to be expected. I have one more hurdle to nip in the bud and I think the rest will be smooth sailing because at that point all things will be building on what I just learned.

I think it's going real well. I am really enjoying it. After the functionality is done I'll work on theming the application and possibly routing but for now I'm leaving it all as it is. Here's to learning something new!

March 29th I got sick with a real stomach bug, well Shea and I did we thing Sammi had it before us and we just got it bad. Anyway, It was bad the following Monday enough Shea didn't go to work. And ever since them I've been feeling sick to my stomach.

Lactose intolerant? maybe it seems to be dairy that sets it off.
Morning Sickness? It's possible but not likely. I was on an antibiotic and I forgot that it made the pill ineffective or less effective. But I've taken like 5 tests all negative and I got AF on schedule.
Ulcer? possible, I've been stressing over finances and the possibility of being pregnant and stressing over stressing lol.
Anything else? sure.

But what happened when I called to make an appointment last week. The doctor put me on some pill that helps with the nausea with out any indication of what's wrong. I don't like that. I'm going to call the doctor tomorrow and set up an appointment. I want to know what's going on. I don't like this. I don't like it at all. The thing is it acts very similar to my pregnancy with Kathleen. Sick first thing in the morning, dairy upsetting me, food or enough rest help to calm it down. So this pushes everything else into the worry about being pregnant. *sighs* So I dunno what to do go to the doctor and see what he says. I'll have to write down everything I know so I don't forget about it when I talk to the doctor.

I just want to know what's going on.