I am so paranoid

I'm a worry wart to begin with. I worry about everything and I do mean everything. But since we've had the girls my worrying extends to them and more now. And I don't mean the typical worrying necessarily either. I worry they aren't developing like they should or worrying about them when they don't feel well.

We are going on vacation in a few days. And I can't count the number of times I've sat bold upright because my mind wandered to a hazardous what if while we are on vacation. Last night I saw my car go off the Chesapeake Bay Bridge, as I assume that is the bridge we will be going over when we go to Shea's son house on the way home. Talk about a waking moment that has your heart pounding. I then lay in bed running through scenarios of how I'd get the girls out of that type situation. It wasn't a good thought for sleeping but I did manage to put it of my head knowing fully well that it is a very slim chance we'd go over the bridge. I most definitely won't be driving them. I hate bridges and I do not like driving over short ones over any expanse of water. We have several around here that are high rise bridges over the rivers and such and I do very well not to panic while I drive over them.

That is a typical nightmare of mine. I've turned my back while my daughter and I were swimming in my aunt pool and she drowns. I have this particular nightmare in our own kiddy pool and the bathtub, I can't imagine how a 3 foot deep pool of water is going to make me feel. Though on the plus note my daughter is very good in the water and I think she could be swimming by now if we had enough water to teach her in. The baby on the other hand probably won't go in the water at all.

But the biggest fear I have about the trip is the girls getting lost while we are in a rest area. We will stop alot because of me and the girls to get them some exercise as it's a long trip. I have an elaborate plan to keep my girls safe. I have a leash for the girls. We already had one for when Kathleen was little and Samantha was still in the reverse car seat. But we've not used it since. These leashes are multipurpose and not so much meant as a leash but they are a backpack that has a leash for a tail (which comes off). I plan on putting a laminated card inside of the zipper of their backpacks with their name, our names, phone numbers and any relative information just in case they get lost. I plan to put it the backpack on each time we get out of the car. Shea can fuss at me all he wants but this is the only thing that is going to make me feel safe. I also made Shea take good close ups of the girls so I could take with us to show people if they happen to get away from us. This is my biggest fear about the trip. And I've done the only things I can think of that will keep me from having nightmares.

Now I know this is just paranoia and they will more than likely be fine. I will not let them out of my sight and I will not let them get hurt. However it only takes an instant and they are gone. So I make precautions and plans to help ease me through this difficult nightmare. We will have fun and the girls love the backpacks so it's not going to be a chore to get them to put it on. At least my mind will be at ease.

Dragon Hunting

Published on September 30, 2015

First Public Writing

Published on September 30, 2015