I'm a mess

Today I'm completely and utterly exhausted. I have some major Mama Worries and combine that with lack of sleep and I'm a royal mess. Here's the story.

Samantha swallowed a Quarter on Sunday. She's breathing, eating and drinking okay, so we did nothing. Shea and many other reassured me that she'll be fine. With the first real issue down I can live with it but not we are in a holding pattern waiting for the quarter to pass. I don't do so well in holding patterns when it comes to my kids or anything really.

So I woke up yesterday with my typical nervous stomach and the day went from there. I did manage to eat more food that I had anticipated but still think I'm going on a nervous stomach diet.

Last night I didn't sleep well, and it wasn't just worry of Samantha, it started out as worry over Kathleen. She has her yearly check up today, and she's been complaining about her ears. Now I don't know if they really hurt or if it's an excuse to stay home from school or not to go to bed, but either case the doctor is going to say there is more than likely fluid still in her ears. And I know it's going to look like I'm a bad Mom, but the thing is. It took them a month to get me a number so I can take out a loan. And it took me another month to have extra money to make this appointment. But what worries me most is that even if she gets fluid who's to say when they fall out we have figured out why she has so many ear infections in the beginning. It's probably allergy, but she's been on allergy medicine since she last saw the ENT almost everyday (which was Dec 9th). So almost two months of childrens Zyrtec and Nasonex. With no help to the ears, does this mean we have to do something else we can't afford other than tubes. I mean sure we treat the symptoms but what's the cause she's not that sick in my opinion.

But then Samantha woke up at 1:30a ish crying. She said something bit her, and was crying about a lost toy. I asked her where it hurt she pointed to her butt. Then I asked again a few miniutes later and she pointed at her head. I think she was woke by a nightmare and she was being overly clingy. There is no way I could sleep in her room and I couldn't leave her and I was already beyond tired from worry over Kathleen. I now piled worry over Sammi on top of that. So I did the only thing I could do I brought her into the bedroom with me. I laid her down and felt her tummy. I thought it was hard, but it was probably because she was coughing or something cause Shea felt it and thought she was okay. He asked her if it hurt here and she said yes. He rubbed her head and asked that, and she said yes. Same with the legs and feet. She has a habit of just saying yes or no to whatever we ask no matter what her real answer is unless it's something she really wants. So we went to sleep.

Kathleen woke up alone and so she came to sleep on our floor but I still got very little sleep as Sammi couldn't get comfortable. She tossed and turned for about an hour and a half. Around 3:30ish I nodded on and off until 4a. After Shea left for work I got a few hours of sleep until 6:30a when my first alarm went off. I tried to doze from there but I kept waking up ever few mins in a jolt of panic.

I am a worried mess and I know I shouldn't be, we are doing the best we can but that doesn't mean I don't worry any less.

Dragon Hunting

Published on September 30, 2015

First Public Writing

Published on September 30, 2015